In my dramatherapy sessions, I sometimes explore with clients what I term as, “Inner conflict sculpts.” Through creating static images (musical statues style!) and perhaps later bringing these images to life, we explore their internal conflicts. The image that comes to mind for me is of a tug of war, with both sides pulling strong, and someone caught in the middle. When that tug of war is happening inside you, it can be pretty exhausting. It can also lead to a kind of paralysis, as it becomes difficult to know which decision or option is the best. The tough choices are far wider reaching than merely considering what meal to order at a restaurant or what clothes to wear. Sometimes there are decisions that can be life or death, or at the very least health or sickness. Decisions about what treatment to accept for a medical condition or infertility can be gut-wrenching.
Hard Decisions: Sometimes There Are No Easy Answers
If you only remember one thing from this post, please remember this, sometimes there are no easy answers. Sometimes the answers are not as black and white as you may initially consider them to be. Sometimes there are elements involved in making a decision that you may not even be aware of. It is easy to look on from the outside and declare what you would do in such a situation; it is quite another to have to be the one to make that decision. It is easy to say what you would do, or what others should do, until you are faced with the reality and all the emotions and potential consequences that go along with that. Some will say that a particular decision is the best, others will say that another decision is better. Perhaps the answer isn’t the same for everyone. Perhaps there’s not only one right way to deal with a medical diagnosis, with infertility or with whatever other challenging decision a person may be wrestling with.
Hard Decisions: We Need to Give Ourselves Grace
For those faced with a gut-wrenching decision, whatever it may be, we need to give ourselves grace too. We need to take all the information and process it, pray about it, talk it through and make the best decision that we can in the midst of that. We need to do the best that we can with the information that we have, to ensure that we won’t look back with regret. To live with regrets must be the most painful part of it all. That’s why I’m considering writing a letter to my future self, to open if I ever find myself doubting my decisions. It’ll say something like this:
“Dear Rachel in the future,
For the following reasons (———————-) the decision that you made about __________was the best decision with the information that you had at the time. No matter what you may be facing now, do not ever look back with regret. If you hadn’t made this decision, you would have had ___________ and ______________ regrets. Know that you remained true to yourself in the decisions that you made. Remember that you prayed and sought God and the council of others. This WAS the right decision for you. Take strength from that and don’t let any consequence convince you that you were wrong. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should have done. They did not have all of the information; their hopes, dreams, values and sense of calling may not be the same as yours were at that time. No matter what you are facing now, you can do this. God has been enough to bring you to where you are today and He will be enough to see you through your current challenges. There is no looking back, no place for regret. Keep moving forward and never, ever give up. Thank you for seeking the best with the decision that you took. Thank you for not letting fear hold you back,
Love from, your past self, Rachel X
I’ve been deliberately vague because I don’t wish to be more specific right now. Perhaps such vagueness will also allow others to see themselves and their own battles and inner conflicts reflected too. If you made the best decision that you could with the information available to you at the time, then don’t look back with regret. We have to keep moving forward.